Jaadu ki jhappi

I had the opportunity today, to talk to a good man. He has off late been in a bad state of affairs.

In many ways, he represents to me, as real a manifestation of Howard Roark as I can claim to have seen till now.
Lately, he hasnt been himself, and today I nudged and pushed him till he came out with what was eating him up. We spoke for 5 straight hours.
It ended with him asking me to shake his hand. I say, 'Can you give me something better and give him a hug'. It felt nice. And i think, a tear came out of his eyes.
It reminded me of the days I got my jaadu ki jhappi. I will never forget you lovely stranger who came into my life. Your hugs have healed so many of my wounds, I dont know what would have become of me without you.
Hope he finds his peace soon, and resumes a normal life

Becoming what you hate

I have been warned by many sane people to not hate anyone or anything. They say that you eventually become what you hate.
I used to hate slobs or ... in some sense ... people with no goals. Needless to say, I have become one of them. I dont intend to make whine in this post, but rather to declare that I do know what I am, and to say that as of now, I'm quite happy being this way.
Having a purpose is over-rated. Aimlessness, can be tough on you, but teaches you a lot of things that you never intended to learn.

Bibendum in the making

Being an insufferable weight watcher, I jump at every oppourtunity to check my weight and see that I am as heavy as I can be. And I'm proud to say that it has been a constant ( more of less :P ) 68.5 kgs. Two years of mindless gluttony, and i have finally made it. I have worked, i mean eaten, hard to reach this state and plan to stay there.
Its another issue altogether that i have a pot-belly. Its a sign of prosperity as far as I'm concerned.
My aim of course is to eventually become a rolly-polly individual whose body jiggles every time he laughs. Much like bibendum. The arms and legs refuse to get bigger anytime soon though. I need to plan a long time strategy for that.
Well, im getting there. Slowly but surely.

Addiciton

I am so far beyond being addicted to the internet, that its scary. I find it a surreal experience to do everyday tasks like travel by bus or go shopping with a friend. Im very aware of everything yet clueless as to what exactly to do. Completely disconnected from everything that is around me.
The odd thing though, is how acceptable i think my situation is. I want to have as little as possible to do with real life. Id rather live in the electronic bubble that the internet is, than go out and face the weirdness of the world.
I still remember the SEA-ME-WE 4 disaster last year, when I experienced freakish withdrawal symptoms. I mean couldnt sleep, couldnt stay awake, restlessness, not able to taste anything. It was all so unreal!
I do understand that this has to change, soon. I always tell myself, it will happen in its own time, dunno when exactly though.

Writing an essay

Today, i wrote an 'essay' about 'What can be done to develop India in the next five years' for my little sister.
The first thing I did, after agreeing to write the essay, was to ask her, what she thought could improve india. It is interesting to know what kind of half baked ideas exist in the minds of the little ones.Whats more interesting is, how similar they are to the ones I have. At
Some realizations I had while 'writing the essay'
a. I have no clue how or what to write in an essay, Im still as clueless as i was in class 8. Initially i thought i would write in broken sentences and make deliberate mistakes in grammar and language so that it looks like the writing of a 13 year old. Surprise, surprise! I actually didnt need to put in any conscious effort to write that way. And my 'essay' ended up being more of less of a badly edited blog post.
b. Computers make writing stuff so much easier. I wrote what looked like 3/4 of a screen, it ended up being 1.5 pages long irl(in real life). The length of the essay has always been a big challenge for me.More generally, the length of the answers in exams. I have never, for the life of me, been able to reach the 'mark' when it comes to writing answers of prescribed length. Whenever there's a word limit or a minimum number of words mentioned, i get so obsessed with then numbers, that i end up making desperate attempts to write. Its not that i have insufficient vocabulary or lack ideas, just that, the very existence of that number makes me ..... well, i dont know the exact word.
When it comes to putting pen to paper, id rather solve a math problem or draw something than write. I am almost autistic in this reagard.

Re-evaluating the goal

Okay, friends of mine had warned me about the 7 posts a week goal. I now see how difficult it is to come up with things worth writing about. Unless I resort to ranting about my life, there isnt much material I can come up with to write about.
What is appalling of course is the sheer infinitude of things ideas, events, lines of thought that exist at this very moment, but yet, to pick up one of them and write is such a big challenge.
I am shackled by my own laziness and am unable to pick up any line of thought and trace it, analyze and come up with a few words to articulate myself. There is a strange void, a sudden loss of words when it comes to speaking my mind to people, be it oral or written.
But, I will not give up this easily. I am going to fight this time, and write post after post, even if it means spending a lot of time on it.
Significant events of today
1. Mega maga man invited me to Google wave
2. First day of study holidays spent studying absolutely nothing at all
3. Decided never to go back to the place where we had dinner tonight, at least, not with my roommate

Questioning motives behind the FOSS philosophy

One the first questions that people ask me when I tell them about free software is , "how are they going to live their life after writing the software and giving away the code? ".
I chose to speak about this today because of a very funny reaction my roommate gave when he discovered the power of FOSS.
He accepted the task of creating a website for a competition being organized by our department at college. He was all geared up to hand code the HTML, PHP and what not that would be needed to keep the site going.
To his shock, I demonstrated the use of Drupal ( with complete with site menus, user account creation and validation etc... ) in under half an hour ( most of the time was spent downloading the installers and themes ).
His reaction was "These FOSS people should stop doing what they are doing. How can they write all this code and give it away for free ?".
While there is no satisfactory answer I could give him, I did realize one thing.
All that talk of "free" meaning freedom and not gratis, its exactly where the confusion lies. Mostly because the software is being given off gratis, as in, most of it is freely downloadable.
I do realize that, if and when people benefit from the use of such software, its a part of their ethical responsibility to share their fortunes with the (FOSS) community, I have witnessed a large scale group meeting of the FOSS community representatives in India and the scene there was a little disheartening. All talk was about how to use the offerings of the community, very little about what to give back and how.
At the end of the day, when people ask me why is such good software being given away gratis, I have to deal them a (low) blow asking them to donate if they are so happy about it.
The sad thing is the reaction to the blow.
"Why pay when we get it for free ?"
That is the irony, isnt it.

Effects of a loss

So far I have spoken to guys who have lost their fathers at a young age. One thing is for sure, something happens, neither can tell me exactly what, but the world becomes very different for them.
Both these guys are very confident and capable people, but underneath all that they are utterly lost and angry. Both of them have developed a sort of bitterness towards the fortunate. One of the guys stopped believing in god, the other is behind money. Both of them want to make a difference in the world.
I cannot, and do not want to, experience the emotions they have gone through. After trying to get through to both of them, all i have realized is, I do not know what I want to do with my life, they think they do.
....
This post will probably be edited soon
....

Biking to a gurukula

Today i visited CFL, thanks to a friend of mine. I must say, I never expected such a school to exist in India. The whole concept of 'institutionalised' education is thrown out the window there.
I guess that this place is as close as it gets to a gurukula system of learning except for the part where parents are expected to get involved in the schooling.
The campus is a modest 15 acre area in a group hills at the outskirts of Bangalore.
More can be said, but id rather have you visit the place and find out for yourself.
What added to the pleasure of course was the bike ride that took us there. Plush green fields on either side of the road. Apart form a 10km stretch at the edge of city limits, the roads are in excellent condition.
All in all, an afternoon well spent

Revelations

1. An entire semester's worth of written work can be done is one night. But, its better to have done them over the semester than that one night.
2. There is immense potential in every student and the education system is out to nullify every last bit of it.
3. I will more easily die than conform to unreasonable standards.
4. I suck at setting and achieving targets/goals/etc.

Hello world

I dedicate my first post to all my electronic relationships, be it with people, websites or applications. I feel a lot less lonely in this world thanks to them. In fact i owe it to them for having helped me through the past couple of years. Been thinking about writing a blog , consistently, for sometime now. Lets see how this goes.
I've been inducted into the philosophy of moderation by a very special someone i have had the privilege of meeting online and in-keeping with this philosophy i aim at a modest 7 posts a week ( averaging to 1 post a day, but i have 1 week to achieve the target 7 posts ).
The idea of writing a blog is exciting and scary at the same time. On the one hand, there's the opportunity to share ideas with people, on the other, there's fear of being judged.
(absence of a linking thought)
I have been criticized for being an abnormal human being when it comes to dealing with relatives. I don't know what it is, i have nothing against them, but i tend to keep away from them. The semi-anonymity that the internet offers is much more comfortable than the awkwardness of a (im)proper identity.
The anonymity helps you to be a different person, the one that lives inside of you and is hidden from most of the world due to various reasons.
I feel I'm better at expressing myself through e-text ( typed out text ) than other forms of communication. I'm not sure whether its some kind of an autism or just a mental block.