Two adages, that i have lived through

रहीमँ तेरे संसार में भाँति भाँति के लोग, कुछ (pardon the frech) मदारचोढ़ तो कुछ बहुते मदारचोढ़


समय से पहले , भाग्या से ज़्यादा किसी को कुछ भी नहीं मिलता है.

Setting the record straight

I am no longer 'in a relationship'. I would even go so far as to say, there never was a relationship. I was just blue-eyed about the matter from the word go. Serves me right. People had warned me not to go after her. In my heart of hearts I didnt want to believe them. My my, and how wrong I was.
She just went after what she wanted and got it. At some point, I kept deluding myself with the idea that 'i can withstand anything, and true love will change everything'. I only realized I am not that strong. It is hard to give true love when you have expectations. I had expectations, and any love built on expectations is bound to fail. Therefore, mine did. I am a better man now, having realized the extent and limitations of my emotions.
New relationships beckon, the heart grows fond of people easily, But I am cautious now. Experience has watered the seeds of the plant which will someday, hopefully, bear the fruit of wisdom.
I'm experiencing a new calm. I can now see myself change, and what is more, almost consciously choose how to change.
One thing is for sure though. I have not stopped believing in love. In fact, I can say I have understood its preciousness.
A wise person once told me 'put yourself out there, you will never live until you learn to let go'. I am now slowly letting go.

Retarded potential

A realization struck me 'with the force of an avalanche'.
I'm retarded when it comes to dealing with most life situations. In the true sense of the word, a moron.
You could even say a blind person groping in eternal darkness.
But, there is a catch. In the midst of this ocean of neanderthalic existence that is my life, I experience these sudden bursts of 'intelligence' that take me places where I would otherwise never have reached.
All my life, I've been shunning,( or maybe i've been taught to shun ) what the world would call 'stupidty',  with every ounce of my being. But as far as I'm concerned, that stupidity, that nothingness ... is the very essence of my being. That state of knowing nothing and understanding nothing, that is where I begin. And my usual tendency , in all my actions, is to reach that nothingness.....no thought, no action.
That would explain a lot of things about me. My behaviour, my thought patterns, my interaction with people ... everything.

Truth

In recent times, truth has been a major game changer in my life.
Does this mean I have been living a false life in these times ? I dont know yet.
Two, not-so-distinct yet not-entirely-the-same facets of life, both very close to my heart, have taken turns in directions that I cannot explain.
In one case, I was told a truth that I had always suspected.
In another case, I told a truth that another had (no doubt) expected.
On the one hand, "the decesion was mine to make" on the other it wasnt.
Not-so-obscure implications were made, once the truth was out.
Matters still havent concluded, so I cant make a conclusive remark.
But as things stand, the things I have learnt about truth are,
1. "You want the truth .... you can't handle the truth"2. "In the end truth will out"
3. "Truth hurts"

Gullible

If there is one word that describes me very well , its 'gullible'.
I cant explain how stupid I feel right now. All my life, i've wondered if I really wasn't as 'intelligent' as people kept telling me they thought I was. I have to thank life for showing just how 'intelligent' i am.
Given all this, I really dont want to change it one bit.Being stupid and taken advantage of is much better than being the one who takes advantage.
It was both a humbling and a learning experience. I got to understand the basis of my thoughts and actions.

Random update

Life has been a bit strange lately. Lot of uncertainty and bad news floating around. The new years predictions ( go ahead and judge me ) arent good for most people.

Thanks to circumstances I understood a few things about myself and others.

• I understand that I need to assert myself a bit more.
• Organizing an event where lots of people are involved is not something one should do out of force. It becomes even worse when someone who is not motivated is asked to lead.
• Working with greedy, lecherous people has always been and probably will always be a huge turn-off.
• Watching a friend struggle knowing there is nothing you can do about it, is something you should avoid if you can.
• Being selfish and isolated has its own advantages.
• I see my flaws and how they cripple me, now I only hope to find ways of working with them to get the best results.
• The joy of learning something new is the only thing that can and should drive people to study. Fear or necessity may help, but you will not see subtle things unless you are truly 'happy'. Well, even happiness is an emotion. Being emotionless helps best in learning.
• Cops, at least seasoned ones, are not to be reasoned with. Not unless they are related to you in some way. If you can, you should avoid them.
• The only job I'd be happy doing is the one that gives me the time I need for myself. Trick is to figure out which job will let me do it and keep my commitments. In the end I fear it will be a filthy compromise. But that the way of the world nowadays.

I should probably expand on the stuff i've said above. I will save it for another day.
Right now, back to the real world.
Have fun.

Ye duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai ?

Recent events in life have made me wonder where we are headed as a soceity.
On one hand there are people who are ready to sacrifice everything they have loved just so that they can end up being an object in a business deal.
Then, there are the brave policemen who open claim that 'they can do anything, and what they say is the law'.
Serious, if i were offered everything in the world, I wouldnt take it. Ye duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai ?
Life is fucking hilarious. I haven't really collected all my thoughts on these issues. Will give a more detailed account of either cases in due time.